Santa of course, the other two don't exist!
What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about
their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
There once was a czar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Great.
He was standing in his house one day with his wife. He looked out the
window and saw something happening. He says to his wife,"Look honey.
Its raining." She, being the obstinate type, responded,"I don't think so,
dear. I think its snowing." But Rudolph knew better. So he says to his
wife,"Let's step outside and we'll find out." Lo and behold, they step
outside and discover it was in fact rain. And Rudolph turns to his wife
and replies," I knew it was raining. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"
What do elves learn in school?
The Elf-abet!
The 3 stages of man:
T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care.
They'd been worn all week and needed the air.
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
This guy goes into his dentist's office, because something is wrong with
his mouth. After a brief examination, the dentist exclaims, "Holy Smoke!
That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly
completely corroded! What on earth have you been eating?" "Well... the
only thing I can think of is this... my wife made me some asparagus
about four months ago with this stuff on it... Hollandaise sauce she
called it... and doctor, I'm talkin' DELICIOUS! I've never tasted
anything like it, and ever since then I've been putting it on everything...
meat, fish, toast, vegetables... you name it!" "That's probabably it,"
replied the dentist "Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which
is acidic and highly corrosive. It seems as thought I'll have to install a
new plate, but made out of chrome this time." "Why chrome?" the man
asked. "Well, everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the
Hollandaise!"
What kind of bird can write?
A PENguin.
Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side
Just before Christmas, there was an honest politician, a kind lawyer
and Santa Claus travelling in a lift of a very posh hotel. Just before the
doors opened they all noticed a 5 bill lying on the floor. Which one
picked it up??
He believes in Santa Claus.
He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
He is Santa Claus.
